Getting a divorce is the second most stressful event on The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, second only to death of a spouse. Some of the most difficult aspects of divorce include losing the powerful attachment marital bond, having to move home, potentially losing common circles of friends, and having to adapt to new economic circumstances. As difficult as divorce can be, it is also a time in which to grow, and find meaning from the loss of a bond spouses thought they could count on forever. It is also a time to bring a new, more mature self to another relationship. A report by the Pew Research Center has revealed that in four out of every 10 weddings (one fifth of all weddings), one partner was previously married.
Gray Divorce Rates are on the Rise
The fact that people are living longer means that a substantially larger percentage of older people are getting divorced. People are realizing that they have much longer to live and they wish to make the most of it. Sometimes, longstanding marriage do not stand the ultimate test of time because partners grow apart, they have money problems or lifestyle difference, their sex life is waning, or there are past mistakes that couples simply cannot be over.
Tying Loose Ends
To make the most of life after divorce, it is important to end the relationship in as positive a way as possible. For instance, working together to partition common property can reduce the stress and expense that arise when divorce is litigious. Selling the home, providing spousal support if this is due, and aiming to work as a team if children are involved, can make more much smoother sailing and enable one to feel positive about starting a new relationship.
Boosting Your Own Wellbeing
Before even thinking of dating, divorcees can consider ways to improve their wellbeing. Studies have shown that taking part in learning activities can increase self-confidence and expand social networks. Stress, meanwhile, can be reduced through mindfulness activities such as Tai Chi and meditation. Finally, general happiness can be increased through spiritual pursuits – which can range from church worship to yoga or any activity that promotes togetherness and unity.
Time for Dating
When you feel like it is time to date, you can either do so with people you meet through acquaintances, or give online dating a go. As noted in a recent study on the subject, “"Cyber dating permits multiple partner choices in real time, which allows for a significantly greater available choice of potential mates. This increased pool means greater opportunity for selection of partners with lower, similar or even higher levels of certain characteristics.” Other ways to meet people include community activities, religious and/or spiritual groups, and sports.
For some people who are undergoing the pain of divorce, finding love again can seem like an impossibility but the stats are definitely on their side. People are living longer and conforming less with a less-than fulfilling life. If you are undergoing a divorce, take all the time you need to work on yourself, learning from your experiences and bringing your knowledge to any new relationship you undertake in a positive way.
