MIND YOUR MANNERS WITH LIZZIE POST

We're coming back to another season where we will be attending a number of weddings during the fall. There are a number of things to consider as a guest from gift giving, attending events and more. Regardless of the type of wedding you're attending there is still an etiquette to be aware of. We sat down with Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter to the iconic Emily Post, to find out what we need to know about wedding season as guests as well as those that are in the bridal party. In addition, she shares some great ideas on the rules of attending a wedding even in an age of social media where we're eager to post our best wishes to the happy couple.

ATHLEISURE MAG: Can you tell our readers a bit about your background and your connection to Emily Post?

LIZZIE POST: I have been working at The Emily Post Institute (the business Emily founded in 1946 to allow her work to carry on through her family) for the past 11 years and Emily was my great-great-grandmother.

AM: What would you define as expected elements at a wedding whether for a casual or a glam affair?

LP: No matter how you get married, there are usually two people making a promise and some form of a celebration. Whether that’s a big party or the couple driving around to their friends and family and showing the marriage certificate from the courthouse, it matters not. What matters is that two people have made a commitment to one another and how they want to share and celebrate that is up to them.

That being said, most people have an exchange of vows followed by a party and that party has a typical routine of a cocktail hour, dinner and dancing. (Speeches and toasts, first dances, bouquet tosses, and cake cutting are all typical elements, but not mandatory by any etiquette standard. Cutting the cake does carry with it the traditional rule that once the cake is cut, guests may leave. If you leave this element out of a wedding it's nice to have

something in its place to let guests know it’s okay to leave. (Though, most guests will simply do so once they are ready to end the night.)

AM: What are people doing now to add their own touch?

LP: Pretty much any and everything! Whether that’s a grand entrance to the ceremony, or labeling the tables at the reception (themes include: superheros, cocktails, authors, movies, destinations, foods, books, bands…) you name it and a couple can personalize it to their style and needs for their big day. One piece of advice: Ask yourself if this element of your wedding is necessary to you feeling married on your big day. It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole when planning a wedding and feeling like every decision has to represent you and your partner and be an amazing expression of the two of you. It doesn’t. Pick and choose what will really make you feel married and let the rest of it (maybe that’s napkin colors, or the variety of appetizers, or the size of the lights hanging in the garden bar area) just be whatever works.

AM: What are great wedding gifts to give?

LP: So many ideas! Mainly, keep the couple and their interests in mind. I partnered with Marshalls this wedding season because I absolutely love getting inspired to give a wedding gift off the registry. (I usually look at the registry to get an idea of color or style.) At Marshalls I often put together a basket of things for the couple. If they like to cook, some cookware and specialty ingredients or a set of serving ware (platters, trays, plates, bowls – choose what works! - and serving utensils) and one of my favorite recipes written out on a nice card – which you can also find at Marshalls! They have great stationery for thank you notes too! Picking out the items is fun – and I'm always pleasantly surprised by what I find!

AM: Times change but what wedding etiquette stands the test of time from the bridal side and the attendee side?

LP: The couple should always spend a moment with each guest. Whether it’s a receiving line, or visiting tables during the meal, or just making the rounds and being diligent about it, it’s important that the couple gets to connect with each guest and thank them for coming.

For guests, RSVPing appropriately is one of the most important things. RSVP. Period. Whether you are attending or not you must let your host know. Most hosts are trying to figure out headcounts for vendors and it’s crucial to get the right number both for financial and logistical reasons. Guests should never add plus ones or extra guests (children included) to their RSVP unless those people have been specifically indicated on the invitation. (“Ms. Christine Williams and Mr. Kamal Metta & Family” means the kids are invited. “Ms. Christine Williams and Mr. Kamal Metta” with no indication of family are being invited as a couple not as a family.)

AM: Are there new rules regarding etiquette?

LP: No, there really aren’t many “new rules” in wedding etiquette. While it’s not a rule, one thing that is emerging is phone-free weddings and not posting tons of wedding pictures before the happy couple has a chance to.

AM: Tell us about your partnership with Marshalls and how this is fitting for wedding gifting?

LP: I have been very excited to partner with Marshalls this wedding season because it is one of my go-to places for wedding gifts. Everything is always new and fresh when I go in and with all the different departments it’s easy to find something special for the couple that I’m excited to give. One of my favorite gifts this summer has been luggage and travel accessories! Everyone thinks to give to the honeyfund, but luggage ends up being a real lifesaver when it comes time to pack!

AM: Does Marshalls have a registry and if not how can brides be kept in the loop on items that they can cross off their list?

LP: Marshalls does not have a registry, but it’s perfectly appropriate to shop off registry (the registry is there as a suggestion and to help guests who might have a hard time thinking of a gift). This is one of those awkward etiquette places where practicality tries not to step on the toes of surprise. If you don’t send the gift immediately, you can always let someone close to the bride know that the item has been purchased at another store and therefore to remove it from the registry. It’s a little awkward telling the couple themselves and then not sending the gift until after the wedding (or bringing it to the wedding). Instead it’s fine to the let the mother of the bride (or the appropriate alternative) or a member of the bridal party know, and ask that they let the bride and groom know the item has been taken care of.

If you send the gift immediately after purchasing, then the couple will receive it and know to cross it off the registry list. You can add a note with a gift receipt if you’d like letting them know it was purchased off registry, that way they know to remove the item from the registry.

Don’t worry too much about repeated gifts, the couple will likely have to deal with a few returns anyway.

IG @AwesomeEtiquette

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5 REASONS WHY MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE SAYING ‘NO WAY’ TO VALENTINE'S DAY

Dr Sanam Hafeez shares 5 reasons why more and more people are saying no way to Valentine's Day.

Whether you’re in a couple or rolling solo, Valentine’s Day comes with expectation and pressure. With #CoupleGoals as a consistently trending hashtag, countless pictures of couples on social media, the obsession of celebrity break ups and make ups and TV shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette serving up contrived romance sprinkled with drama, the way we think of love and romance has changed. Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York Board Certified Neuropsychologist explains why so many people say ‘no way’ to Valentine’s Day and offers some alternatives that shift this negative mindset.

1. “Valentine’s Day is a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ and I’m still broke from Christmas.”

When money is tight many people may want to cut back on spending especially for things they feel are frivolous. “Financial stress is a common thing and when people are made to feel pressured to spend, they get resentful and want to claim their power,” explains Dr. Hafeez. Instead of boycotting all romance, put a $20 maximum on gifts and you’ll see how sweet, thoughtful and creative you can get.

2. “Every restaurant is crowded and the service is terrible.”

Nothing kills romance faster than crowds and a bad experience dining out. Since everyone goes out to eat on Valentine’s Day there will be a lapse in service. “One way for couples to celebrate is to call their favorite restaurant in advance and have a meal prepared they can pick up and heat up at home,” suggests Dr. Hafeez. “You can either break out the fancy dishes and dress up or you can put on sweats and eat while watching a movie, the important thing is that you enjoy yourselves and aren’t stressed,” she adds.

3. “We’ve been together for ages. Every day is Valentine’s Day! Do we really need to celebrate?”

“Celebrations and traditions are important in a relationship and when they fall away it’s usually a sign of trouble and disconnection. While you may not feel the need to do anything extravagant use the day to appreciate the love you have and life you’ve created, even if it’s in a small way,” Hafeez advises.

4. “I’m single so what’s the point?”

Rolling solo on Valentine’s Day again, all the more reason to turn it into a Self Love Day. Being single on Valentine’s Day can be tough for people, especially those still healing from a break up or divorce. “You want to really be kind and caring to yourself. Booking a massage, getting a haircut, or arranging a single ladies night with your single friends could be just what’s needed. Focus on creating your own happiness,” says Dr. Hafeez who often sees a link between break up depression and anxiety over holidays.

5. “I’m just to busy for love and romance and all that stuff.”

Some people are just focused on other things that are top priority in their lives. There are plenty of women who are turned on more by generating income for their businesses than concerning themselves with outside approval or validation. There has been a rise in female entrepreneurship with more millenials and Gen X’ers preferring to build empires than romantic relationships. For them it’s just February 14th the midway point to a short month. “There’s nothing wrong with women wanting to focus on their professional lives. They often feel to focus on business, romance, which may cause them to lose focus, has to be shelved for a while, this is more common these days,” Dr. Hafeez shares.

While many say ‘no way’ to Valentine’s Day there are millions saying I DO.

According to a 2017 survey of 1000 people done by James Allen, an online diamond and bridal jewelry retailer, 43 percent of millennials say Valentines Day is their top pick for proposal day. November – February is considered proposal season.

Some other mind-blowing stats that clearly show Cupid isn’t going away anytime soon are.

In 2017, the National Retail Federation put the estimated total spending at over $18.2 billion. That's an average of $136.57 per person.

Jewelry is the most popular gift with 20 percent of consumers expected to buy jewelry, with a total of $4.3 billion on bling, the NRF said.

$2 billion will be spent on flowers, with roses being most popular. 250 million roses are produced for the holiday, the Society of American Florists said.

The American Greeting Card Association puts that industries pay out at 1 BILLION… yes folks $1 … for paper.

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW: HONEYMOON TRAVEL TIPS

When planning a honeymoon, there are a lot of options to choose from. We talked with Lonely Planet's book editor, Jessica Cole on their new guidebook, The Honeymoon Handbook, which shares an array of tips and destinations. 

ATHLEISURE MAG: Tell us about Lonely Planet.

JESSICA COLE: Lonely Planet is the world's leading travel guide publisher. Along with guidebooks and ebooks to almost every destination on the planet, we also produce a range of gift and reference titles, an award-winning website and magazine and a range of digital travel products and apps. All of them are designed to help travelers discover the world. They'll find destination overviews, independently and trusted reviews on restaurants, accommodation, sights and activities, and practical information. 

AM: What is the thought process behind The Honeymoon Handbook?

JC: Getting married is the most socially accepted excuse in the world to throw off the bowlines and plan your ultimate dream trip. But planning such a big trip is a huge undertaking. We know that  not all honeymooners want to lie on a beach for a fortnight: more couples than ever before are looking for adventure and activities on their honeymoons. So we made a book full of inspiration, ideas, destination guides and advice for how to plan the trip of a lifetime to set marriage off to a magical start.

AM: The Honeymoon Handbook tackles familymoons, minimoons etc - what trends are emerging in the category?

JC: Unique is the new normal: honeymooners no longer want to settle for a one-size-fits-all package vacation. They want the perfect trip that suits them, which means familymoons and minimoons are becoming more and more popular, along with other unique and custom itineraries. Couples are seeking more experiential activities and adventure for their special trip.

AM: How did you select the destinations that you included in the book?

JC: We wanted to incorporate trips that worked for everyone, no matter what you love and when you want to go. So our destinations cover everything from city fun in frenetic Tokyo to Caribbean island-hopping and tapas-sampling in Andalucia. 

AM: Did you conduct surveys from couples who planned their honeymoon?

JC: We know plenty of those, either embarking or just back from their honeymoon trips, and with this anecdotal research we formed ideas about what matters to honeymooners now, which places are becoming more popular, and what activities couples are looking for. We pinpointed trends for romantic getaways to feature the most up-to-date, relevant and practical advice possible.

PHOTO CREDIT Justin Foulkes/Lonely Planet

AM: Did your team travel to the destinations while researching for this book? 

JC: Lonely Planet has hundreds of writers out on the road for us, many of whom contributed to The Honeymoon Handbook. These writers know the world incredibly well and are constantly roaming, researching and discovering new places and the latest trends so that we can deliver the best travel information to our readers. 

AM: What destinations in this book are your favorites?

JC: Having taken my own honeymoon only last October, I have a very soft spot for Tokyo and the Mount Fuji region! The food was beyond wonderful, and Japan is a beautiful and unique country. It was a culture we had never explored before, which is just what we wanted! Another firm favorite for a different sort of trip entirely is Sri Lanka - it has wonderful beaches, diverse national parks, out-of-this-world landscapes and the friendliest people I've ever met. 

AM: Do you anticipate making this book annually?

JC: The title will probably be a one-off, but with every reprint - which might happen once or several times a year - we update the information inside it, so readers can be promised accurate and up-to-the-minute information.

AM: What 3 tips do you feel are essential for couples to remember regardless of their honeymoon spot?  

JC: 1. Choose a destination that works for you both - and don't feel you have to cave to others' expectations of what a honeymoon 'should' be. Trust your instincts of what you two will love the best.

2. Mix up your activities - indulge in luxury treats, but don't overlook the budget options - you might find it's the more down-to-earth experiences that will help create memories that last a lifetime

3. Don't be shy! Tell people you're on your honeymoon. You might be surprised to discover how happy others are to make you feel special. 
 

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