WHEN ANXIETY RISES

We loved chatting with Dr Sanam Hafeez last month in our issue as she shared tips on how to identify that you are dating a narcissist. With such great advice, we wanted to ask her about anxiety as we notice that in a lot of conversations people tend to use this word a lot when they are talking about upcoming work, making various decisions about their lives and more. We chatted to find out what anxiety is and what we mean when we say that we have it as opposed to those who have been diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder.
 
ATHLEISURE MAG: What is anxiety?

DR. SANAM HAFEEZ: When most people say they are having or feeling anxiety they typically mean they feel out of control, pensive or worried about something in their lives. It can be an event, their career, a date, their wedding day, an important interview. Typically they deal with it, prepare and push through the situation with heightened focus. 

For those who have an Anxiety Disorder, anxiety takes a debilitating turn. 

AM: What are the symptoms of an anxiety attack and/or how do you know when one is coming on? n their mind, it's really all about them. 

DR. SH: Everyone is different. Some may feel migraines, nausea, trembling, shortness of breath, heart pounding, jittery and physically on edge.

AM: Does anxiety manifest differently in Type A vs Type B personalities? 

DR. SH: 'Type A' personalities are known to be very responsible go-getters. They focus on the end result while Type B people focus on the here and now. Type A's are typically competitive and often take on more stress in their quest to accomplish more and more. They boss around the Type B's and then the type B's have anxiety about not measuring up. Type A's and Type B's both worry about what people think of them, and have creative visual minds so they often envision worst case scenarios in a vivid manner. Type B personalities are more collaborative. These are people who don't rush to take the lead. However, some may feel anxious that they are putting their fate in someone else's hands. They also get stressed out when Type A's are behaving more aggressively and competitively. In the end both personality types can have varying levels of anxiety. Anxiety disorders can happen to anyone. 

AM: How can we overcome these feelings and what techniques can be used to maintain calm?

DR. SH: Knowing the signs of panic, what triggers you and how it presents itself in your body is important in overcoming anxiety. When you can identify what your fears are you can begin to conquer them. 

1. Deep breathing and mindfulness.

2. Focus in the moment by engaging the senses. Look at 3 things in the room (table, chair, shelf). Listen to a sound (a bird, a car, the ambient noise). Roll your tongue over your teeth. Touch something near you feel the texture. Smell something, the paper on the desk, your skin. This little exercise gets your mind off whatever thoughts are causing the anxiety and onto the present. 

3. Clear clutter! Your physical space reflects your mind. Clearing clutter will give you something to focus on and the tidy space establishes order over chaos.

4. Workout! Fitness activities that require repetitive motion such as running, walking on a treadmill, bicycling, are great because they require consistent coordination and focus. When you are focused intently on something it's difficult to simultaneously feel anxious.

5. Massage and acupuncture.

ABOUT THE DOCTOR:

Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD is a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher’s College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. a neuropsychological, developmental and educational center in Manhattan and Queens. 
 
Dr. Hafeez masterfully applies her years of experience connecting psychological implications to address some of today’s common issues such as body image, social media addiction, relationships, workplace stress, parenting and psychopathology (bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, etc…). In addition, Dr. Hafeez works with individuals who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), learning disabilities, attention and memory problems, and abuse. Dr. Hafeez often shares her credible expertise to various news outlets in New York City and frequently appears on CNN and Dr.Oz.

Connect with Dr Sanam Hafeez PsyD via twitter @comprehendMind

MAINTAIN CALM AND TAKE A RIDE

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Read more from the April issue and read When Anxiety Rises in mag.

ARE YOU DATING A NARCISSIST

With more and more people turning to dating apps and websites to meet people, we see a relatable pattern. You see someone’s photo. You’re attracted. You read their profile or brief description of who they claim to be. You reach out. You exchange emails. You text. Maybe you’ll speak briefly and then, you meet. You’re hitting it off. Things seem great. However, it seems almost too good to be true. Is it?
 
According to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher’s College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, narcissists are everywhere and in varying degrees. She explains that the current “swipe right” dating culture only feeds their agenda, it’s important to understand who they are and how to spot them.

WHAT IS NARCISSISM?

Many mental health specialists agree that narcissism is basically an individual who has an excessive interest or admiration of a false self they created to cope with early hurts as children. “Narcissists are disconnected from their true selves and are constantly working to appear better than others. They have an idealized self-image and are in love with that image which hides their true wounded self,” says Hafeez.
 
Dr. Hafeez shares some “red flag” characteristics of narcissists along with tips and insights that can spare many people the heartache and mental anguish that comes with dating a narcissist.

1. Narcissists are off the charts charming. 

They are incredibly upbeat and bombard you with compliments. Immediately you are captivated by them and their focus on you. They have quick wit, can read people and know what to say to make them feel good. “Narcissists are great at building rapport quickly; however, they are doing so to serve themselves first and foremost. In other words, they feed off the attention, admiration and validation of others so they charm with an agenda,” cautions Dr. Hafeez.
 
2. In their mind, it's really all about them. 

The interesting thing about the narcissist is that they make it seem as if they are interested in you however they will always turn the conversation and back to them. “These are not team players. They look to their partner to be the source of their happiness and much of that happiness comes from getting approval or even sympathy,” explains Dr. Hafeez. “Early on in their childhoods the narcissist didn’t get the nurturing they needed to feel secure. They were neglected or made to feel as if they were bad, so they spend their time and energy showing how great they are,” she adds.

3. Rules don’t apply to the entitled narcissist.

They’re most likely to have a handicap tag hanging from the rearview mirror of their Porsche. When asked about the handicapped tag they'll launch into a descriptive, detailed 20-minute story about how they injured their knee, entitling them to the handicapped tag. They want to gain your sympathy. Other rule breaking behaviors, disobeying traffic laws, parking illegally in front of places leaving you waiting as they quickly "run in," cutting lines, and even stealing. “They truly believe the world revolves around them and expect others to cater to their needs. This is due to needs being unmet earlier in life,” says Dr. Hafeez.

4. They disrespect boundaries. 

Be mindful of your boundaries! Narcissists will do things like invade your physical space, borrow or take belongings or even money without returning or repayment. They break promises without remorse and may even blame the victim. “Protecting your boundaries is incredibly important when dealing with a narcissist. When over stepping is permitted, it leads to codependence and a lost sense of self,” warns Dr. Hafeez.

5. They look great on the surface.

Their desire to impress others may lead them to a lot of time and money on their physical appearance. They are all about status and achievement. They’ll brag about their education, their possessions, who they know, their accomplishments and typically, it’s exaggerated. “This again stems from the desire of approval. They care what others think of them so much that they use people and situations to fuel the false self they created,” explains Dr. Hafeez.

6. They’ll disappear like a ghost and you’ll feel discarded.

Narcissists will put you on a pedestal as they complement and charm you. You will feel incredibly special, caught up on their intent gaze upon you. However, once they see you’re just as interested in your own well-being, that you’re protective of your boundaries, that you have other interests and put them in their place; they swiftly move on. When they see you won’t allow manipulation, they disappear and will be incredibly cold. They may even give the silent treatment and blame you. 

7. Their past relationships are all drama.

They will make it seem like their exes were all crazy, will share horror stories and make you feel as if you are the best thing they found. They paint themselves as the victim and may add that their ex still wants them. “Pay very close attention to how the person speaks about their past relationships,” advises Dr. Haffeez. “Narcissists typically won’t keep answers brief, positive and forward moving when it comes to past relationships,” she adds.
 
About the Doctor:

Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD is a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher’s College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. a neuropsychological, developmental and educational center in Manhattan and Queens. 
 
Dr. Hafeez masterfully applies her years of experience connecting psychological implications to address some of today’s common issues such as body image, social media addiction, relationships, workplace stress, parenting and psychopathology (bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, etc…). In addition, Dr. Hafeez works with individuals who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), learning disabilities, attention and memory problems, and abuse. Dr. Hafeez often shares her credible expertise to various news outlets in New York City and frequently appears on CNN and Dr. Oz.

Connect with Dr Sanam Hafeez PsyD via twitter @comprehendMind or her site. 
 

Read more from the March Issue and see Are You Dating a Narcissist in mag.